holy fuckiing shit!!! i'm turning 40!

i do not like even-numbered years. and both 4 and 0 are even numbers. plus there's also the whole thing of being freaked about getting older. i don't actually give a fuck what age i am, but i want to LOOK younger. and until a couple years ago people always thought i was a good ten years younger than i actually was. i guess a breakdown and two years of deep depression will age a person. that's the only explanation i have. so can i get younger-looking again, now that i'm feeling better? i do not know.

i guess i don't hate even numbers in all contexts, because i always buy things in twos when i go grocery shopping.

so anyway, this birthday is a big momentous occasion and i wanted to mark it momentously, and not have it just go by unnoticed. that would make me depressed. but i don't have a lot of friends around here (because i have only been back since june and i really haven't gotten out much) so there's no one to throw me a party and so i had to come up with my own thing. and so i did and i am having a teeny weeny little gathering of my very few friends tomorrow night and if all goes as planned we will play music and hula hoop and eat cake. first i have to bake the cake... a little scary but i hope my friends will be forgiving.

and then at the stroke of midnight saturday night, it will be the actual date of my 40th birthday. i'm so old i don't even know if i'll make it till midnight!

in other news, we are having a huge snowstorm here right now. two days ago, it was in the 70's outside and i was hooping in front of the big church on main street with megan and derek... with the primate fiasco playing right behind us. it was such a great time! megan is awesome about sharing what she knows, teaching the tricks she learned on her own and so on. but all eyes are always upon her and not us others, because she is a great dancer and is just incredibly fun to watch. i'm excited about befriending her, because a) that's one more person to hoop with! and it's always more fun to hoop with others; and b) i can learn a lot from her; and c) she is a really nice, fun person who is insanely full of energy and creates amazing art when she's not hooping or waitressing. so she posted this on her own blog but the three of us had a great time learning the walk of sass (for the summer's upcoming circus of sass) and throwing our hoops in the air and so on.

and now it is snowing. and the tops of my hands are bruised from spending so much time yesterday trying and trying to learn this one hooping trick that involves hand-hooping. i am sitting here typing but i need to clean the bathroom and figure out what other things need to be done before my little "party." wish me well, world. the next time i speak with you, i will be over the hill!