what's in my head?

my doctor is out of town so i have to go to the local emergency room today to try & get help for a really bad sinus headache that's been stuck in my head for the past 3 days. i've been trying to ice away the pain but it shoots all the way through. holding an ice pack to my eye isn't all that pleasant anyway.

but i am waiting here killing time while the fantastic freeware utility isquint converts episodes of the OC to ipod video format so i have something w/which to amuse myself while waiting the long wait. last i saw, johnny was falling off the cliff and ryan had reached out to grab him but it ended before we could see if he saved him or if johnny went ahead and plummetted to his death. i am way back in season 3 because i stopped watching for a while... i dunno, i guess i became self-conscious about my affection for this show, even though i will never be ashamed of my love for the sandy/seth father/son dynamic from the gods. and just seth "cohen" cohen by himself. summer is pretty adorable too. marissa (mischa barton) used to be a total embarrassment but i see now that in the third season she's learned some new facial expressions and i hold out a tiny sliver of hope now that one day she may learn how to act.

but enough about the OC. didn't you know i was obsessed with buffy? it's really all i watch most of the time. i think i've seen buffy and angel each 4 times over. at least. not counting before i owned the DVDs and just saw sporatic episodes. no i am not a total tv-head but i don't have much of a social life either, so i have imaginary friends on TV. they are all a lot younger than me so i feel a little weird and that's why i've been enjoying hanging out with my new pal one town over who is only about 3 years younger and i got her into hooping. so now we can walk dogs together and practice hooping together and maybe someday when one or both of us overcomes our shyness we'll just hang out for the hell of it w/out the pretense of a shared activity.

ramble ramble ramble. i never wrote, as i promised i would, about the hellish experience of moving. now i'm kind of over it. i'm here in northampton and california is just a distant nightmare. i'm almost able to think about it without retching now. the problem now is that i live in a heavenly liberal oasis where it's very easy to forget about the rest of the world being totally doomed. i know the chickens will eventually come home to roost and i would like to remain on my toes but it's hard. things are too nice here. there are beautuful young college kids everywhere, and cafes, and art things, and hooping in the park in the summertime. i have joined the local moveon.org council and i go to events & stuff, but everyone is smiling and eating cookies. where is the doom?

perhaps the doom has wormed its way into my head and is manifesting as a terrible sinus headache which has kept me up at night and makes me want to cry. i have got to get out of here and go wait in that fucking emergency room. yuck.