oh, UPS man, how i love you!

see? for once i'm not talking about mark morford. so there!

two days ago... and i've been in way too much of a running-ragged panicked state to do what i wanted to do which was to immediately run upstairs and post this... i was expecting a package which could help me resurrect my dead ibook. it was wednesday late morning. i heard my dog bark. outside the window i heard a truck. i looked, and saw the UPS truck. i breathlessly (had to thrown on clothes because i was unclothed) ran to the door. the UPS man had slid the package between the screen door and front door w/out ringing the bell and was trying to make a stealthy getaway.

i opened the door, and he was busted. i said "THANKS!" with a great big friendly smile because i LOVE packages. and i love the UPS man. he's so cute. and he said "hey... how's it goin' jenna?" just like as if i was his homie. it was so cute. he knew my name, it rolled right off his tongue, he didn't have to double-check the package or anything. not like he hasn't been here enough. but even in my various states of undress (i never get up in time to be properly prepared for anyone to come to the door) i don't consider myself one of those hot housewives who lure the plumbers in to speak in euphamisms about their pipes and such. and i don't ever try to seduce the gardener (i don't even have a gardener.) i've always loved UPS men though, because there's such a mystique... i even read an article in a magazine once about women who ordered things every day, like new shoes, just to get the UPS man to visit.

i've never been that deliberate about it. he's young and cute (unless he's sick and there's a sub) and i'm really, i believe, beyond the age where delivery men (or women) or gardeners or plumbers might undress me with their eyes. so far as i know, they never ever did. and likewise, i've never undressed them, visually or otherwise. my love is a platonic kind of love, a universal love like the love i have for the planet or all animals or the beauty that hides somewhere deep in the darkest recesses of even the most disturbed people.

but anyway, the way he said that, "hey, how's it goin' jenna?" and then smiled and ran off, it made me giggle and melt all at once. it was so cute. i wish i had more time to live here long enough to order more things from UPS (well i did order some RAM in hopes of further resurrecting the ibook...and it may come UPS.) as with my cat, i've felt sad that my UPS man doesn't know i'm moving so soon. (well the cat certainly knows that she has moved - i took her to the airport last night and shipped her on american airlines, the most humane (perhaps only humane) airline for shipping animals w/out accompanying them.) the UPS man may know if he's noticed the "for sale" sign in my window. i don't know. he might not miss me at all. but for that moment, i felt like his homie and i felt like a i had a pal in the 'hood and it was the coolest feeling. seriously, the coolest.

next post: will be about some certain fuckers who are making my life more of a living hell than it already was, which is quite a feat indeed.

mark morford, spritual advisor to the jennas

at least 80% of the time his columns speak directly to the questions haunting my spirit in a language that even i can understant. yes, little old me. he hits the nail on the head so many times, i wonder if he's ever hit his thumb & how badly or if he ever hit anyone else's thumb. i wonder how much love mail he gets compared to hate mail. here's the second-to-latest:

Death Death Death Death Death / This is your news. This is your news on a morbid high of tragedy and mayhem. Can you deflect?

i once dated an utterly fantastic girl named caterina, who had "been" with mark some long time ago before he got his ever-wonderful girlfriend and chose to be one-on-one with her (in commonspeak: monogamous.) so c. had to settle for being "friends" and the occasional lunch. it just proved how amazing she was though, that she was friends with mark morford, one of my most ever greatest writing heroes.

caterina disappeared on me much in the same way they all do, those girls. the girls don't exactly dump me, they just sort of drift off, make promises to "get together soon" and are then never heard from again. i suspect one of two things: 1) (the more likely) : i am quite terrible in the lesbian bed. 2) (the more comforting thought which yet leaves me with guilt for having not seen this and being such an inconsiderate dolt) my ex-friend emma sabotaged all my lesbian things-going-on by suddenly wanting me ever so badly and right in front of them. and me being such a sucker for a pretty face, could never turn her down. it may well have made my girlfriends feel slighted, or left out, or whatever. in my head at the time i was just so flattered - i was looking desireable to someone ever so hot. but emma only did that when i was with someone. if i was on my own and wanting her, well, she'd have nothing of it.

needless to say she is no longer on my short list. she's not even on my long list! she's nowhere on my horizon. for all i know she's been deported and all i can say to that thought is "hah."

see how i digress? at this moment i am actually caulking the tub.