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emotional benefits
Originally uploaded by jennacide

i am going to stop posting YouTube videos here on account of i don't like how they have a white background square which does not look nice against the background of my blog. in other news, on thursday i went to brooklyn to see "oliver" performed by my sister's class of ESL kids from poland and bangladesh and you name it. they did a great job. the school was in this super-orthodox hassidic jew neighborhood where the men wore funny hats and the women wore wigs. people seemed happy enough though. me, i was just tired. have not been sleeping full nights lately. i wake up too early and can't get back to sleep. it sucks. because then i'm tired all day and i have no energy to go looking for jobs. today my mom & stan & i rushed back from NYC to have lunch w/a couple old friends of my late aunt's. one of them runs this organization where i really want to work so i planned to be there w/my resume - otherwise i never would have joined them because i wouldn't have had too much to add to the conversation. well i'd had maybe five hours of sleep so i had to drink one of those chemical energy drinks on the way home and then pump myself full of coffee when we got there. and then when we were finally all around the table i felt too awkward to give the woman my resume. she asked what i was doing and i said i'd been recovering from california and hula hooping and working a little bit for stan. and that i was on the job hunt. and that i wanted to go back to working in assistive technology. i name-dropped an important name and she was duly impressed, and she said to keep in touch etc. etc. but it seemed wrong to then say i was prepared all along with my resume and an envelope. so i saw my mom give it to her when they were in the other room talking, and that was just embarrassing. anyway, there's nothing for me at that place for the summer, that much is for certain, and i have to find a job now and it has to be something i'm ok about leaving as soon as i get the job i really do want. i think i am going to have to apply with temp agencies and do clerical work, which i've never done. i do not know excel. i do not know how fast i type. i do not think i could pull off wearing pantyhose. i keep thinking about claire on six feet under season five, when she was finally forced into the work world and started temping, and had to get herself a bunch of horrible businessy-type clothes and wear pantyhose. she really, really hated it. i always related very strongly to claire even though she's only half my age. is that weird? i always relate to the young ones. i think maybe it just means that i'm very immature. it would be cool if it also meant that i looked half my age. but nooooooo.

hoopin' it up

tracey w/2 hoops
Originally uploaded by jennacide.

the good weather has us hoopers out and about!!! check out this pic of tracey spinning 2 hoops at once. she's getting really good at that. me, when i get them down around my knees they fall to the ground. i can get them up to my chest and back though.

we seem to be skipping seasons here in northampton, MA. i do believe we missed autumn and went directly from summer to winter. likewise, we seem to have gone directly from winter back to summer. it is HOT out!!! the heat is exhausting and it gives me headaches. so i just can't be out in the middle of the day. the trick, then, is to get up and get trotsky-dog to the park and back before the sun is fully overhead. then stay indoors until 5 or 6 pm. then venture out again.

so tracey and i have been hooping together a bit, in the courtyard in front of my building, in pulaski park, and yesterday downtown in front of the church. that's a great spot because so many people come along to join in or just observe. later on, after tracey left megan arrived and with her a magazine photographer and they spent some time doing a photo shoot for who knows what magazine. i hope i don't miss it when it comes out! megan is also performing tomorrow night at the iron horse w/the happy pill circus. i'm excited about going although my obstinate friend mike has still not gotten back to me about whether or not he'll go w/me, so i have to have a backup date waiting in the wings. it's rather frustrating. it's tomorrow night, after all.

anyway, i'm saying all this just because i don't want to think about the really important matter in my life which is finding a job. for me, hooping is the most important thing, and taking advantage of this time when i can hoop out of doors because my living room is so limiting. but i really need a job and i don't know where to begin looking and i have NO clothes to wear to a job interview let alone a job of any sort. unless i do something manual labor-ish. i dreamed last night about dropping by mike's company to see if there were any jobs i could do, and maybe that was a signal from me to me that i really should do that. it's a lead and i should follow it. the other lead i have is one relating to my past life and former career but i'm not sure i'm quite ready to jump back into that yet because it would require major usage of my brain.

adios. i am off to find some clothes to wear to hoop in tonight because i'm supposed to join megan at 9 or 10-ish. it will be a lot of fun if it's not canceled on account of rain.

me with exene!!!!!!!!!

me with exene!!!!!!!!!
Originally uploaded by jennacide.

the knitters came to town tonight and played at the iron horse. tracey went with me. this was the third time i've seen them - i love them! the first two times were in petaluma, CA and were pretty much the only times i was happy to live there. anyway, they rocked so hard tonight i was in complete awe... i don't know where they get that kind of energy. i could tell their voices were a little strained but they didn't hold back at all. after the show i had a minute where i got to chat with exene and tracey took our picture. i look simply demonic, but hell, i'm with a rock-n-roll idol! exene looks a little on the tired side and she still had one more show to do before the night was through. two shows in one night rocking that hard? that's what i couldn't wrap my mind around. that's what i want to be like when i get older. i want to dye my hair crazy colors and rock harder than ever and somehow find a magical source of energy. also, i want to roller-skate if my bones aren't too brittle.