too much fun in little rock

i haven't been much into the blogging thing these days. there has not been much to say. my life has been so fucking mundane!!! the only really good thing in it has been hooping with tracey, taking these hooping classes and practicing w/her and hanging w/her in general, for she is one of the coolest people i've met in, like, ever. but there's a problem and i figured out what it is, when i was away in little rock last week. the problem is that i ain't got me no drinkin' and makin' out buddy here in noho. and i haven't had one anywhere since emma bianchi dumped me and ruined my life. yes i am naming names!!! so i am back from little rock and recovered from the hangover, and i have taken it upon myself to fix things. i am going to get me a social life. starting tonight! i'm going out drinking with mike. it's been almost a YEAR. that's how much time flies, either that or he's been avoiding me.

so, i went to little rock to visit my One True Love of All Time, otherwise known as alison. i spent just about almost a week there. we drank an awful lot of single-malt scotch. i brought with me my new, collapsible hoop and i had the opportunity to hoop onstage at a seedy dive bar called midtown which is open until 5 am so everyone ends up there and it's smoky and the music is terrible but the amazing thing is they serve boca (vegan) burgers for about a dollar apiece. you can't beat that!!! nothing like a boca burger to soak up the stomach bile... :-P anyway i think on this night i had already missed enjoying an entire concert at another venue because i got a wee bit ill and had to brace myself against a wall until it was time to leave. i was a little green. then we all went over to midtown where a really obnoxious guy grabbed my hoop from me and refused to give it back, shouting "i am the hoop master! i am the hoop master!" but then he couldn't do anything because he was too drunk and when i got the hoop back and got onstage and started hooping, he shut up and didn't say another word after that.

these images SUCK (i mean i look hideous) but i think the drunken aspect of ali and neil is funny. they are exes. neil is a firefighter. i liked him. the guy at the very end is dan, most likely the person who took all the other pics. ali told me that when she dated neil she had a romantic idea of it being like "i heart huckabees" but that it wasn't. :-(



basically my trip consisted of drunken mayhem and making out punctuated by literary readings and "angel" viewings (ali and i watched "smile time," the best episode ever) and long mornings of sobriety when i spent my time trying (and failing) to get up the nerve to somehow find out if all the making out was just for show, or if she'd ever do all that stuff with me if there was no observer. no camera, no audience, just us. in the beginning (two januaries ago) there was just us and not even any alcohol. but she didn't have a boyfriend then to cause all those conflicting feelings. so i never really found out if she would love me without an audience except for one long, lovely surreptitious kiss literally behind dan's back. and then we went and got these gorgeous tattoos together, which we designed ourselves (with some help from her artist friend danny) and of which we are enormously proud, so we are now cosmically bonded for life and that gives me a little bit of an answer of what i want to know. i shouldn't be so insecure anyway. i have known ali for a very short time if you only count the days we've been in each other's physical presence. it just seems like a much, much longer time. well, i can't wait till november when i go back there again for ben's wedding. i hope she's not living with dan, that will complicate matters so much. i wish i could get her to come here in between now and then. that would be so lovely. but someone would have to take care of her three dogs and who on earth would do that???



this is why i don't blog. i just have all these crazy thoughts running around in my head. i didn't even go into the whole thing about how my hair was falling out for a long while there or that my blood tests showed me as having lupus and had to be re-done and i'm still waiting for the new results. argh. it doesn't really matter if i ramble in my head or on the keyboard, no one's going to be reading this anyway! i hope!!!!

p.s. oh, i forgot to say, like, i'm trying to start having a social life and stuff, and this guy adrian asked me to have coffee w/him and i was supposed to meet him at his apt. but swear to god i couldn't find the right door. so officially i blew him off!!! i feel bad. he will think i stood him up. i really didn't want to "date" him or anything. he wanted to show me his "art." i know that old line. i just want more friends, you know? but i'm not naive. i look fwd to when my tattoo is healed so men will think twice before asking me out in "that" way. speaking of the tat: